Forget FOMO – Let’s Talk About FOJI

Why alpha introverts need to recognise the Fear of Joining In – and how to overcome it.

You’ve heard of FOMO – the Fear of Missing Out. It’s everywhere in online culture: the pressure to say yes to everything, to stay visible, to be in the room where it happens.

But what about FOJI?

FOJI stands for the Fear of Joining In – and it’s a far more insidious little gremlin, especially for solopreneurs who identify as alpha introverts.

Yes, alpha introverts.

Because not all introverts are quiet, shy or reserved. Some of us are driven, ambitious, and fiercely independent.

We’re creative dynamos behind the scenes. We get stuff done. We thrive on deep work and focused time.

We don’t always need or want the noise of a crowd, but that doesn’t mean we don’t care about community or connection.

In fact, often we do. A lot.

The quiet fear that holds you back

FOJI isn’t about not liking people. It’s not about being anti-social. In fact, it’s often the opposite.

Alpha introverts are incredibly tuned in to the energy around us, and that’s exactly why the idea of ‘joining in’ can feel so overwhelming.

It’s that creeping anxiety that you’ll say the wrong thing. That you’ll walk into a room and feel like an outsider. That everyone already knows each other. That you’ll be too much – or not enough. That no one will get you, or your business, or your energy.

And so you sit it out. You scroll past the event, the group chat, the collaboration opportunity.

You convince yourself you’re too busy, or it’s not quite the right time.

But deep down? That’s FOJI talking. And it’s costing you more than you think.

Why networking doesn’t have to feel icky

Here’s the truth I wish more alpha introverts knew: when you show up and talk about what you love, your energy is contagious. You don’t need to be the loudest voice in the room. You just need to bring your real voice. That’s what people connect with.

Networking doesn’t have to mean forced small talk or performative sales pitches. It can mean one genuine conversation that lights a spark. One new perspective. One person who sees you and gets it.

Those moments can change everything – and they often happen in spaces you almost talked yourself out of joining.

I still remember the first time I went to a networking event alone. I hovered outside the venue, trying to convince myself to go in. I didn’t know a single person there. But I’d promised myself I’d show up – and I’m so glad I did.

I left that event buzzing.

Not because I’d handed out loads of business cards (I didn’t). But because I’d had a series of brilliant, energising chats with women I’d never met before.

Some of those connections have led to real collaborations. Others have simply stayed with me as meaningful moments of support and inspiration.

FOJI isn’t a weakness, but it is something you can work through

If any of this is ringing true, you’re not alone.

FOJI affects so many brilliant, capable, high-achieving women, especially those running businesses on their own.

It’s not something to feel ashamed of. It’s a very normal human response to vulnerability.

But you don’t have to stay stuck there.

Next time you feel FOJI creeping in, try this:

• Remind yourself of what you’re passionate about.

• Think about why you started doing what you do.

• Let that energy guide you into the space.

• Show up as you are – even if your heart’s racing.

You might be surprised at how quickly the nerves melt into excitement when you connect with the right people.

The magic doesn’t happen in the echo chamber of your own head. It happens when you put yourself in the room, even if that room feels a bit daunting at first.

Your voice is welcome. Your presence is enough.

You don’t have to fake extroversion or hustle harder.

You just have to show up with your heart in it. That’s more than enough.

So here’s your gentle nudge: the next time you’re tempted to sit something out because of FOJI, try saying yes.

You never know where that one moment of courage might take you.

Fiona 🤍🖋️